19 Nov Life status: Currently trying to make lemonade
As the saying goes….when life throws you lemons, make lemonade!
I was so excited to return from India to implement all the amazing knowledge I learned while I was away. I knew I would need a few days to adjust to our time zone, spend some time with my boys, & go on a few dates with my hubby. I was also excited to get back to business and do what I love! I was so excited to see where my team was, as they have been growing so much. And so ecstatic to see how all my clients were doing. I was so looking forward to share all my new knowledge about health and wellness that I learned in India! I have all these amazing new tools and all these plans on how to share them with my amazing community! Well, those plans didn’t unfold as I thought!
When I returned from India, the next day we had our local doTERRA Dream tour, which I was hosting with a fellow entrepreneur. The event was amazing. When you have 500 people who are all interested in non-toxic living, of course the room is going to vibrate! We were vibrating on a high level. I am talking like ROSE oil, high level. So many people asked me how I had the energy for such an awesome event after travelling for the last 3 weeks! When you take good care of yourself, use high quality vitamins, and feed off of amazing energy like the group we had, anything is possible! Following this event, I took a few days to adjust and rest and plan how I was going to unfold all this amazing information and plans Darren and I have for “Kim Smadis Lifestyle“. The boys and I were sitting around watching a movie and my phone rang. It was my dad’s home! You know that feeling you get when you see who is calling and know it isn’t going to be good? Sure enough. It was my dad’s home calling to tell me my Dad has taken a bad fall and is in the ambulance on his way to the hospital! I arrived at the hospital shortly after my dad.
My Dad is all I have left. The thought of losing him brought a sense of grief over me that I haven’t felt in a while. My dad’s fall was not just a fall, it was a fall that caused so much damage to his head and body. The next few days were stressful as we watched my dad go through so many different phases. It went from being difficult to wake him, to him not being coherent, to holding my dad as he cried because he didn’t know what was happening. I talked with my dad about farming (I think I plowed every field in Hay Lakes and probably milked 50 cows). When I would leave he would always say, “don’t forget to milk the cows”. As prepared as I have been over the last few months in taking care of my dad, I wasn’t prepared for how this fall escalated the need for a higher level of care for my dad. We still don’t know the extent of his fall, but what we do know is that my Dad cannot go back to his home in assisted living He will need to move to a nursing home with full-time care! This pains me. Even as I type this, I cannot control the emotion. What hurts me even more, and I know it hurts my dad, is the distance and the “growing apart” that has occurred in my family since my mom passed. It is so true and I never thought it would happen to my family, but when the matriarch of the family passes, everyone seems to go their own ways.
Things happen. Life happens. Ego’s are big. Some people can forgive, but others can’t. What I do know is that me and my little family can be there as much as possible for my dad! We can be there to hold him while he is crying because he is so confused and scared. We can be there to laugh with him as my boys learn how to milk cows (LOL). We can make Grandma’s homemade chicken noodle soup for my dad and listen to him talk about my mom like she is still living. My boys just lost their Nana and they don’t want to lose another grandparent. They are scared, I am scared. We know that right now Grandpa takes priority and he needs us. Whatever time my dad has left, I want him to know that his little girl will always be there to take care of him! When the nurses come in to wake my dad they always ask him, “Who is your little girl, what is her name?” He always grins and says, “Kimberlee”! My dad has taught me so many lessons and he always taught me we can get through anything! The lyrics from the song, Cowgirls don’t cry, have been playing in my head lately. Especially these lines:
Cowgirls don’t cry, ride, baby, ride
Lessons in life are gonna show you in time
Soon enough you gonna know why
It’s gonna hurt every now and then
If you fall get back on again
Cowgirls don’t cry
This lesson of “if you fall, get back on again,” has got me through so much. I think I have played this song everyday this week. Little did I know, I would need to remind myself of this yet again. Last Wednesday I got a call from my doctor. Once again I did not want to answer it because I had that feeling, but of course I did. Long story short, I am preparing for surgery on Tuesday. The hope is that it will not be a long surgery. As this surgery comes as a surprise, I truly trust my team of doctors and they know what is best for me. It took me a few hours to process and I really don’t want to have to recover again and go through anesthesia. However, I will do what I have to do. “It’s gonna hurt every now and then, if you fall get back on again, cowgirls don’t cry”! As I wipe my tears away, I remind myself of all the amazing blessings cancer has brought into my life. I remind myself of the gratitude that I truly feel in the deepest part of my soul and every cell in my body.
• I am grateful of every lesson that I have been taught dealing with the trauma of hearing those words you have cancer
• I grateful of the amazing people who are part of my life because of cancer
• I grateful of the people who have left my life, who I fought for so many years to be part of my life, only to realize they are not meant to be in my life and I am better off without those relationships
• I am grateful of the strong amazing boys I have who know how hard their mom fights
• I am grateful of the amazing husband I have who holds me not only when I am strong, but holds me even tighter when I am at my weakest.
• I am grateful myself of the creation of our beautiful business that has helped 1000’s of people learn how to reduce their toxins.
• I am grateful myself how honored I am to have traveled to some amazing places and shared my passion of essential oils because of my cancer.
• I am grateful myself of the amazing entrepreneurs who have came into my life, because of my cancer, that pushed me into a career I never could of imagined.
• I am grateful for every scar on my body that tells a story of my cancer journey.
• I am grateful for amazing six leaders that help steward my team of 1000’s of entrepreneurs.
• I am grateful for my amazing best friend Mary who helps me each and every-time to “get up a ride”!
• I am grateful for every social media post.
• I am grateful for every card.
• I am grateful for everyone who has stood by me, and hasn’t left me because they are tired about hearing about cancer. They say it, like it is so easy to get over!
• I am grateful and most proud of my “Team Pure Life” and the 100’s of every entrepreneur in it, and for my community of customers in “Essential Living” who support me no matter what! These two communities are truly my family and why I can get through what I do!
When I first had to process the fact that I needed another surgery, that is declared a necessity and is one that has to be done quickly due to the cancer diagnosis, I first stepped back and cried, “WHY ME”. That lasted maybe 5 minutes. I read my list of what I am grateful for and I would never go back and change my cancer diagnosis! Yes, I have had to overcome painful surgery’s, painful treatments, painful tests, and many many many surgeries. But looking at that list of why I am grateful, all I can say is WOW. I say cancer, bring it on!! I have more gratitude and an army of believers in me. That army of believers knows that I need to be in this world. So Cancer, you are not just fighting me, you are fighting my #TeamPureLife, my essential living tribe and community, my family, and every other soul like my mom and grandma who won’t let me stop fighting.
In order to understand why they have to do his surgery, it will do me no good to be angry or to feel sorry for myself. Perhaps even to look at it as another step in the journey of my cancer story. I really wish people would understand how long, how hard those words “You have cancer ” impact your life. Here I am 7 years later still fighting for my life and for my quality of life. Here I am 7 years later with a body that looks like the Alberta road map from all my scars. A body that has little to no immune system, a body that every days cries about how bad I want to live for my boys. Cries everyday in pain! There is only time to remind myself of everything I am grateful for! I AM GRATEFUL FOR CANCER! MY LIFE IS RICH WITH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIPS FROM CANCER! I AM WHO I AM DUE TO CANCER! I AM WHO I AM DUE TO THE GIFT OF DOTERRA !
So as I spend every last minute with my dad before my surgery Tuesday, my heart is full of gratitude of all the blessing’s cancer has brought to my life. My lessons in life are going to show me in time. Soon enough I am going to know why. I know my why and I know in no time at all, I will dust myself off, get back on, and remember, “Cowgirls don’t cry, just ride maybe ride”!
Daddy, no need to worry, you taught this cowgirl, your little girl, always how to get back on and ride!