Let me share some techniques that drastically changed my fear into HOPE. I am hoping that in this blog you can feel just how scared I was, and sometimes still am, with facing my mortality. But I also hope you can feel how I let go of the fear to live the life I was meant to live. At the end I share my top 10 tips that truly transcended me, my faith, my thoughts and my belief to a level of abundance and gratitude that is so strong it is almost tangible.
“There is only a stream of well-being that flows. You can allow it or resist it, but it flows just the same” – Abraham Hicks
How do you see joy, when you are in so much pain, physically and mentally?
How can you be happy, when you feel like you are always getting struck down?
How can you plan your future, and get excited for it, when you might not have a future?
This is something I have suffered with from the moment I was diagnosed in 2011. Death, the thought of death, paralyzed me! The thought of my children not having a mother. The thought of not seeing my boys get married, not see my grandchildren. Leaving my husband a widow. All these thoughts would flood my soul and my mind with such darkness that it was hard to see anything past it.
At the beginning I was so focused on my physical health as I really didn’t believe in the whole “Your mindset is critical to your health; your mindset can create the life you want!” Yes, I believed we had the power to choose our emotions, that our mind has thoughts that we attach to emotions, too. But to believe that I can change my reality by changing my mindset? Seriously? No way! But there was this tiny little voice in my mind that would say, “What if? What if this is true? What do I have to lose? Why not try it?”
Darren and I, throughout our marriage, have always seen a great marriage counsellor. It was not that our marriage was in trouble. It was that we just wanted to prevent any problems. Just like our health, going to the doctor when you already have symptoms is too late. You need to go see your doctor on a regular basis to prevent problems. This is how we thought about seeing a counsellor. Seeing a counsellor over the years gave us many tools in our toolbox to use to make our marriage even better than what it was. Through our counseling we really practiced that we choose to love each other. We wake up every morning, and no matter how mad we may be at each other, we would wake every day and say, “Today I choose to love you.” We even had a magnet on our fridge that said this. We practiced this with our children, too. When they would get mad at a situation, we would explain to them that the emotion, and the feeling you attach to an incident, is within your control. You can choose to be mad, sad, happy, whatever you what. But know you control your emotions; your emotions do not control you. So I was very used to this thought about our emotions. yet to take this further and think that with mindset you can actually create the future you want was still foreign to me. But again, what did I have to lose?
I started my journey on understanding the power of the mind, the power of the universe and the power of my faith! In my last blog I wrote about how I feel so blessed for what cancer brought into my life. This is another blessing that cancer has brought into my life. To fully surrender to my higher power, to my God, whatever you believe in, and to truly trust that He has a plan for my life that I cannot control, and whether I enjoy it or be afraid of it, it was happening. “There is only a stream of well-being that flows. You can allow it or resist it, but it flows just the same” – Abraham Hicks. Your life is going to unfold the way it is meant to unfold. The more you resist it, the more you try to control it, the more you try to change it, the flow of your life will always go back to what it is meant to be! You can either continue to fight it, and let it limit you, or you can choose to embrace it, and create a life you could have never imagined. The universe is always waiting for you to step into your light. As I started understanding the power of the mind and the universe, why could I not believe and feel like I am healthy? Why can I not picture me living? Why could I not picture me at my son’s weddings? Why can I not see Darren and I in our retirement living a beautiful life? If this is really true, that your energy creates your reality and that as you raise your vibration these subtle shifts of my perception of my reality, will actually change my reality! As I really started to understand this, I realized that why would I downgrade my dream of my future to fit my current reality? I needed to upgrade my conviction to match my destiny. To match the life I dreamed and desired.
When you align your energy, and remember that you determine your energy, with the universe, and realize that there is no need for you to try and control it. Just allow your desires to flow easily and naturally. This is true peace. This allows you to release the fear. Some of you are probably like “What is she talking about?” Let me explain this to you.
In 2011, when I was told I probably wasn’t going to make it till Christmas, the fear set in and the desire to control weighed heavy within me. I researched – I wanted numbers, percentages of survival. I wanted to control everything, thinking I could control my destiny. This felt horrible. I was always scared. So I told myself that those statistics are not mine and started replacing my controlling, fear based negative thoughts with thoughts of seeing myself happy and healthy in the future with Darren and my boys. I replaced the thoughts of planning my funeral with planning my boys’ weddings and planning what my life was going to be like. I replaced those cold feelings with feelings of peace and happiness and joy. I focused on my energy of love, of service, and inspiration believing that the more I was in a place of happiness, joy, service, allowing the universe to flow, that my vibration would increase allowing me to receive what I desire. Receive what I desire. Let me repeat that again, RECEIVE WHAT I DESIRE. Not what my reality was, or what science and numbers said, but RECEIVE WHAT I DESIRE!!
As the years went on, and as I dug deeper into my soul and deeper into creating and designing the life I wanted for myself and my family, my feelings of peace and contentment grew stronger within me. Did I get periods when the fear would fill my body again? Absolutely. Every doctor’s visit, every surgery, every PET Scan, every time the doctors would say to me, “WOW, it is amazing what you survived. You defied the odds!”, I would have to practice and practice and practice my technique for changing thoughts over and over. As the years went on I could feel the physically effects of my fear: My stomach would ache, my bones would hurt, my digestive system fell off track, all physically symptoms of fear I could quickly recognize would remind me I need to change my thoughts again. I wouldn’t even realize the thoughts had again crept into my mind.
So, what did I practice and how did I get to the point where I no longer feared dying? First of all, I read a lot of books by Louise Hay, Gabby Bernstein, Kris Karr, and so many others. I combined a lot of the tools I learned into these steps.
- As soon as I noticed the negative pattern, the negative thought, or the physical symptom I would stop and just take a deep breath. As I took that deep breath, I would visualize the negative thoughts, the darkness leaving my body.
- When I walk through a doorway, I stop, take a deep breath and picture the negative thoughts and darkness leaving my body. If my fear was really, really bad I would set an hourly timer on my phone to take a deep breath every hour and release the darkness.
- I used the app called Think Up. I recorded in my own voice different playlists of affirmations. I would listen to this falling asleep or any time I felt I needed it. I like this app as they also have affirmations already in it and that you can record yourself saying them. Love, love, love this app.
- I would pick cards from various affirmation card decks. The one in the picture is from Love Powered Co. I would pick and read them anytime I needed a little pick me up.
- I also really and truly believe that the universe will serve you more when you serve others. Service creates alignment. As Gabby Bernstein says, “When you are asking the universe how can I serve, the universe responds with how can I serve you”.
- You must release comparison. There is more than enough abundance to go around but more important, pain is pain and grief is grief. No one’s pain is worse than the next. No one’s grief is harder than someone else’s. Other’s success is our success as we are all connected so be happy for them. Other’s pain in our pain so show compassion.
- Learn to visualize your future down to the smallest detail and accept that you have the power to create the life you want. Sit in this visualization. Allow your visualization to become a feeling in your body. I would picture my body cancer free, full of energy, with a strong immune system, pain free, no inflammation. I would picture my body filling with joy and happiness. I crave to sit in my visualization because now it instantly turns my emotions to such a feeling of peace.
- Pick a symbol, give a meaning to it, and always look for it. Some people pick a number, a feather, a penny, anything you want. For me, it is a feather, and the number 11:11. When I see a feather, it is the universe telling me I am loved and healthy and in alignment. I have a necklace with a feather pendant that I wear when I really need to work at my thoughts. The 11:11, whenever I see it, reminds me that I have many angels looking after me.
- Create a new pathway in your brain that is attached to a scent. All plants and bark vibrate at a certain level in this world that is measured. We know rose oil is one of the highest vibrating oils. This is a powerful, powerful oil. When I say my prayers or read cards that I pull from my affirmation’s cards, I breath in a single drop of doTERRA’s pure, pure, pure rose oil. I have done this so many times that I have created a new neuropathway. When I smell this pure, high vibrating Rose oil my body instantly releases fear, negativity, worry, control and any negative emotion. In the next tip I talk about prayer. I have prayed so many times with the scent of rose oil, my mind and body instantly start feeling the prayer, without me even saying a word, when I breath it in.
- One of my last tips. Pray. Just pray. Talk to your God, your higher power. Just pray. One of my favourites, who a good friend reminded me of, is Psalm 91: God our Protector. If scripture is not for you, there are so many prayers. Here is one of my favourites from Gabby Bernstein: Surrender Prayer:
“Today I surrender my goals and plan to the care of the universe. I offer up my agenda and accept spiritual guidance. I trust that there is a plan far greater than mine. I know that where there once was lack and limitation, there is now spiritual solutions and creative ideas. I step back and let love lead the way. Thy will be done.”
Whether it is Psalm 91 or this Surrender Prayer, when I say it every morning, or when I need it, I really say it. I feel every word I am saying. This is how we replace negative thoughts in our brain by creating new patterns.
I hope that anyone who is facing something very scary, or someone that may find themselves worrying all the time, or someone who cannot see the light at the end of their journey, or someone who feels like they are always getting kicked down, that this helped you in some small way.
Life is going to happen the way it is meant to happen. Release the fear, the worry, the control, and trust you are being held by the universe to live the life that is meant for you!